Those Unspoken Words
by theultimatenerdgurl
Summary: Gokudera is dying, and Yamamoto's helpless to help. Fem!GokuderaxYamamoto


_Pain. Anger. Regret._

And yet they say you feel nothing as you die, that it's a peaceful and relaxing endeavor, and nothing is sweeter.

_Bullshit._

I can feel everything, the vibrations as lifeless bodies fall, the echoing of thousands of voices, the slow, creeping cold feeling expanding from my chest. Yeah. Painless, my ass.

A hand lands on my shoulder, and I groan despite the fact I'm playing dead in enemy territory, but it's a familiar face, and despite myself, my lips curve up in a ghost of a smile.

He would normally smile back, but no, not this time. A frown creases my features as I watch tears fall silently down his face, his stocky and well-muscled frame shaking. His eyes are squeezed shut - he can't even look at me.

"Ta...ke...shi...," I manage, shifting my hand somehow to gently bump his leg.

A gasp escapes him and his eyes fly open in surprise. "You...you're still alive...," he whispers, and I hear a note of relief in his pained voice. He presses his forehead against mine. "Thank God," he whispers against my skin.

I shake my head, and he pulls away slightly, concerned. "Takeshi," I whisper again, unshed tears blurring my vision, "I'm...dying..."

"No!" He yells in frustration, punching the floor, leaning over my body, his tears dripping onto my chest. "Don't say that... You're going to live; you're going to live, dammit!"

The curse surprises me - he rarely swears, if at all. I open my mouth but he stops me with his hand against my lips. "Don't," he begs me, his watery brown eyes locking onto my hazy green ones. He gently moves his hand and smooths my bangs back. His tenderness is not at all unwelcome, but right now, I don't want him to share my pain.

"Run, baka," I choke out before a painful bout of coughing wracks my thin, feminine frame.

He says nothing, but gently props me up on my side as I vomit up bright red blood, panting and groaning in pain. When the fit stops, he lays me back down, my head in his lap. "I'm not leaving you alone," he says simply in response to my half-hearted and weak glare.

"Damn you, baka'" I murmur quietly, but inside, I'm glad he's staying with me. I don't want to die, but at least with him by my side, I won't die alone. I don't want to leave him, to have him suffer through without me by his side, but we both knew that our lives would go down a dangerous path.

I'm one of two female Guardians, and the boss' right hand - I can't die now. Too many people are depending on me.

My eyes slowly become unfocused, and I feel a sharp sting to my cheek - Yamamoto. "Stay awake, Haya-chan," he says calmly. "Sasagawa-kun, get over here!"

The _extremely _annoying boxing Sun Guardian runs over, covered in cuts of his own, and kneels next to my ever-worrying Rain Guardian. "That looks bad, to the extreme!"

Yamamoto sighs in annoyance. "Can you heal her, sempai?"

Ryohei says nothing, but activates his Sun flames, bathing our faces in golden yellow light, and gently rests his hand on my abdomen, where the blood stain is darkest. I grit my teeth against the pain, and clench my fists in an effort to not scream. Yamamoto runs a hand through my hair soothingly, but I can feel the tension in his fingertips. The purifying warmth of the Sun flames flows through my veins, and I feel my own Sun flames work with Ryohei's, slowly repairing the damage done.

I don't even remember what happened - how or when or with what I got injured. All I remember is hitting the cold, blood-soaked concrete, my trusty dynamite falling from my numb and lifeless fingers.

Another bout of coughing torments me, and Yamamoto gently holds me down until it passes. He leans down and places a light kiss on my brow, wordlessly telling me_it's going to be okay.  
_  
I want to punch him, yell at him that it's clearly_not, _but at that gesture, what little strength I had left to resist him dissipates, and the unshed tears begin to flow.

When I began following Jyuudaime back in middle school, I wasn't afraid to die for him. But now, ten years later, the thought terrifies me. I can't leave Jyuudaime alone - none of the other Guardians know how to protect him, no one knows how to fill my shoes as Jyuudaime's right hand.

I feel the slow ache of relief as Ryohei finally douses his flames, a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. I rest my hand over his, feeling some strength return, and give him a half-smile. "Thank you, sempai," I murmur, before my eyes flutter shut from exhaustion. Before I completely give in, however, I feel all the tension leave Yamamoto with a sigh of relief.

"Will she live?" Yamamoto's voice sounds so far away as he gently sets my head down on his jacket and helps Ryohei stand.

"For now," the boxer murmurs quietly. "But she needs a hospital right away. I did all that I could, to the extreme."

"I'm going to call Tsuna and tell him then."

The rest of the words fade away, and I slip into the black abyss of deep sleep.

When I open my eyes, I'm in a darkened room, a steady beep breaking what would normally be silence. I'm in a hospital. i _Well fuck, that's just wonderful, /i_I think to myself as I try to prop myself up on my elbows.

Searing pain coming from my gut stops me short, and I fall back, breathless. "Damn," I whisper into the silence. I can't break out if I can't move.

The door creaks open and a familiar figure enters my room, a worried look on his face. I pretend to still be asleep as he comes over to the chair at my bedside and slumps into it. I try to not move as he gently takes my smaller, long-fingered hand in his own, larger and roughly calloused one.

"Haya-chan," he says softly into the silent air. "I don't know if you can hear me, but please, wake up. Tsuna needs you." He pauses and says quieter, "_I _need you." I twitch my fingers slightly in his grasp and he jumps slightly in surprise. "Haya-chan?"

I groan and blink my eyes open again, feigning disorientation (it's not that hard to do, with my pounding head). "Where... Where am I?" My voice is rough from disuse.

He smiles - his genuine, 1000 watt, idiotic smile, relief washing over him. "Haya-chan," he murmurs again, tears glistening in his eyes.

"Stuff it, baka," I growl without conviction, a gentle smile saved only for him gracing my lips.

He laughs his usual laugh -_God, it's been ages since I heard that _- and brushes his free hand against my forehead. Then his face turns serious, and he gently but firmly holds my chin, forcing me to meet his intense gaze. "Don't scare me like this again."

I shrink down a little, embarrassed. Although I am a ruthless assassin, getting a stern lecture from Yamamoto scares the shit out of me. "Sorry," I whisper timidly, averting my eyes.

He lets go of my chin and rests his hand against my cheek. "I..." He falls silent, a light blush coloring his cheeks, and he looks at our intertwined hands. "I just don't want to lose you," he mumbles.

I latch on to his tie with my free hand and pull his face close to mine. "You might be able to make me slowly die, but you'll never kill me. Don't you know that by now, yakyu baka?"

He just stares at me for a moment before dropping his head. "Yeah... But it still hurts seeing you in pain and being helpless against it..."

We're close, Yamamoto and I, closer than best friends, but not as close as a boyfriend and girlfriend would be. Sure, we've had 'intimate' moments of a sort (holding hands and hugging - oh, my God, so_scandalous_), but we're not dating, regardless of what our fellow guardians think.

My normally hardened features soften and he raises his head again. His brown eyes meet my emerald green, and I pull him closer by his tie - our faces are centimeters apart. "You're never helpless," I tell him, my lips gently brushing against his.

And damn it all, the door opens, ruining our disgustingly sappy moment, admitting Jyuudaime and Kyoko-chan. I quickly let go of Yamamoto's tie and try to hide my blush.

"Jy-Jyuudaime!" I stutter, acting surprised (and relieved inside - they didn't see us).

"Gokudera-chan!" Jyuudaime smiles his worried smile. "You're awake!"

I dip my head, a little ashamed. "Please, forgive me, Jyuudaime. I -"

He lifts a hand, stopping my protests and apologies. "It's alright, Gokudera-chan," he says gently, "I'm just relieved that you're going to be okay."

Kyoko-chan, Jyuudaime's crush, smiles at me and rests a hand on his shoulder. "Let's let them talk, Tsu-kun." Jyuudaime blushes at that and follows her out of the room.

Yamamoto gets up as soon as the door is closed and locks it. I raise an eyebrow at him. "I don't care what the doctors want - you need your rest for that to heal," he says as he sits down again.

"Che," I mutter, saying a few rude words in Italian about doctors and hospitals. And even though he doesn't understand what I'm saying, he shakes his head with his usual smile. Before I know what he's doing, he leans forward and kisses me lightly. "Get some rest, Haya-chan," he whispers against my lips as he pulls away. "I'll be here when you wake up."

I hear his unsaid words and smile._ I always will. _


End file.
